Reflection #124 (30th May 2026 at Essex Church / Kensington Unitarians)
Every week we say it – we pray it – ‘help us to live well each day, and be our best selves’. I wonder what that phrase means to you? How it lands? For me, it’s an important part of our purpose as a church – to aspire to better things for ourselves and for the world – to keep reminding each other, and encouraging each other, to learn and to grow, to engage in self-reflection, self-discipline perhaps, in service of our mutual flourishing.
What do we mean by ‘best’ though? There’s a phrase that gets bandied about on social media: ‘I’m living my best life’. In that context, it seems to me, the phrase can take on a rather different meaning, depending on the spirit in which it is said. There are more and less wholesome versions! I can imagine someone posting a clip of themselves drinking champagne on a yacht with that caption ‘living my best life’. Of course, this is a bit of a caricature, but for some people it’s about personal happiness, even hedonism, creating an image of ‘the good life’ that can be captured in a selfie.
(Aside – I am pro-taking selfies and chronicling life – the selfie is not the problem here!) There’s another way that phrase is used though. Someone might say ‘I’m living my best life’ when they take a moment to acknowledge that they’re making life choices that are authentic, intentional, and meaningful for them. Perhaps even – or especially – to affirm and celebrate life choices that might seem a bit quirky or eccentric to others. It can be something to say as we take stock of our life and the person we have become: ‘I’m doing alright – I’ve consistently tried to learn and grow – to make good choices – and despite the setbacks and the ups and downs – right now I’m living my best life.’
When we pray, ‘help us to live well each day, and be our best selves’, I think – I hope! – we’re praying about something more than our own personal happiness and well-being. It’s not really about praying for privilege – for a life of leisure – to be rich, fit, or popular. For me, it’s about fulfilment of our human potential – making the most of our unique gifts, whatever they may be, and consciously developing them to the full, throughout the whole of our life. Perhaps it includes being creative, expressing ourselves, making our mark on the world. But it’s also about ‘best’ in the sense of moral goodness. If we are to be our ‘best self’ that means a life spent pursuing and prioritising ‘The Good’.
There’s an inner dimension to this – cultivating virtue and developing our character – and an outer dimension which is about acting in ways that serve the common good. If we’re aiming to be our ‘best self’ then at the very least we’d hope to have a net positive impact on the world – not just the people who are close to us – but we’d hope to create positive ripples in the world that are far-reaching. We’d be looking for opportunities to help others, especially those who are worse off than us, and remaining conscious of the impact of our actions (and inaction), in order to minimise harm. Perhaps we should also pray for self-awareness – to see ourselves clearly (yet compassionately) – and regularly take a loving look in the mirror like those medieval theologians advised – remembering that we are works-in-progress, we can still change and develop, our whole life long.
There’s always a balance to be struck between aspiration and acceptance. Of course, it’s good to strive for self-improvement, right? …but there’s a risk we might end up judging ourselves too harshly as a result. I put a quote from Natalie Snodgrass Tan on the front of today’s order of service which speaks to this. She says: ‘Striving for improvement is important. Putting in good effort is important. Not allowing yourself to give up as soon as the going gets tough is important. It is, however, all too possible to go way too far in the opposite direction and work yourself into the ground. Doing your best… is a journey towards realising that your value does not depend on your achievements.’ Wise words.
And I also want to share a quote from Don Miguel Ruiz, well-known author of ‘The Four Agreements’, a very popular 90s spirituality/self-help book inspired by Toltec beliefs. One of the ‘Four Agreements’ he proposed – agreements to make with yourself, with others, with God, which can help shape a good life – was ‘Always Do Your Best’. And Don Miguel Ruiz helpfully commented on this: ‘Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment and regret.’
Our circumstances – our context, the particular time and place we were thrown into, and the societal rules that come with it – our inheritance of genetics and customs – and the wider political and economic currents we are being tossed about by – all these come together to shape our opportunities in life. ‘Our best’ might well be limited by factors that have got little to do with our inherent potential or our active efforts. Most of us will be constrained to some degree by our resources and our responsibilities. So a realistic sense of what ‘our best self’ could look like might have to take into account not just our standard human flaws and foibles but also the bigger global picture.
Still, when we come together each week as a church, we can gently but insistently call each other back to our highest aspirations, and nudge each other back on track – perhaps challenge each other when necessary – within the context of a big-hearted, generous, and compassionate community – a place where we can know ourselves to be ‘good enough’. As Takiyah Nur Amin said in the first reading, church is where we build ‘relationships of accountability and support’, which ‘shape us in meaningful and powerful ways that call us to grow, to do better, and to be our best selves’.
So let’s keep praying that prayer. And I’ll close with an echo of those familiar words: As we look forward now to the coming week, help us to live well each day and be our best selves; using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen.
Reflection by Jane Blackall