Mini-Reflection #95 (29th December 2024 at Essex Church / Kensington Unitarians)
Just a few thoughts from me on this business of making change in our lives – something that we can do any day, as we heard in one of the earlier readings, but it’s something which many of us particularly focus on at the turn of the calendar year, when New Year’s Resolutions come to mind. I want to preface my remarks by saying – this is one of those ‘both-and’ topics – it’s so often the case that I seem to be saying two apparently contradictory things at once when I stand up here. At least two! Sometimes more. There are two contrary messages that are both true, I reckon, but inevitably they’re in tension with each other: one is a message of self-acceptance, that you are good and worthy and loved just as you are; the other is a message of self-improvement, that there are always things we could pay attention to, do a bit of work on, to change our ways and change our life for the better (perhaps with the hope that any changes we make will have a positive impact on those around us and ripple outwards for the benefit of the wider world).
Some of you may have heard the saying – I think I picked this up from Anne Lamott – the idea that God loves us exactly the way we are… and loves us too much to let us stay like this. There are parallels with the way in which we might love a baby or a toddler just as they are but still encourage them to learn to walk, and talk, and eventually make their own way in the world). However young, or old, or set-in-our-ways we might be, as this New Year rolls around, we’re still not the finished article. As we heard in the reading that Antony gave earlier, from Jim Sanderson, ‘It is not human nature to freeze in time, to see ourselves as completed. We are works in progress’.
I’ve put some words on the front of today’s order of service from M.J. Ryan, who wrote a book titled ‘This Year I Will…’, all about how to go about making changes in our lives that stick. She wrote: ‘I believe that people can change. Not just superficially, or temporarily. I believe that we have the ability within us to truly rearrange our inner landscape and make changes happen within ourselves and our lives. We can stop doing the things that hold us back or cause us suffering and create a life filled with meaning, peace, and ultimately happiness.’ M.J. Ryan.
So in that spirit I invite you to return to the little slip of green paper in your order of service – and turn it over – in the meditation we looked back to all the positive changes we’ve already made in our lives in the past – now I encourage you to look forward and ask: what’s next? Think about all the same prompts I offered in the meditation: old habits you might let go of, or new habits which you might take up; new commitments you might sign up for, or old ones that have run their course; learning new things, focusing on some aspect of personal growth, or even making some great dramatic leap that might change the whole direction of your life! Perhaps you might jot down a whole bunch of thoughts (and you can take your time! You don’t have to commit to something right this minute… and indeed if you’re coming to our New Year’s mini-retreat this afternoon or on New Year’s Day that’s a perfect opportunity to ponder such questions and more). But perhaps you can just pick one relatively modest, realistic, achievable change to focus on. And back yourself! Affirm your own potential to carry on changing and growing for as long as you live. No matter how things have been in the past – there is grace – you can turn a new page and start over.
And as Peter Friedrichs said in that reading I just shared – perhaps we can keep the serenity prayer in mind – and I’d suggest we each pray about these changes we want to see in our lives. Not just praying for ‘the wisdom to know the difference’ – but praying for guidance and clarity about where to focus our effort and attention, whether we’re ‘rearranging our inner landscape’ or dealing with some of the nuts-and-bolts practicalities of how we order our daily lives – what should we prioritise right now, at this particular moment, this step on our life’s journey? Or maybe we need to pray for help, for courage, for strength and endurance, to stay on the path when the going gets tough. Change is not easy. So reach out for help – to friends – to God.
And in that spirit I want to close with a prayer – a blessing for the new year – by Beth Monhollen.
In this new year, may we leave behind the weight of unfulfilled resolutions, of unrealized dreams, and of unrealistic expectations. May we unpack the heavy weight of stories that tell us we are unworthy and unlovable. May we remember that we each carry inside of us a spark of the Divine. In this new year, may we carry kindness, gentleness and hope that hold us through even the hardest days and the most daunting risks. May we carry the weight of memory that reminds us of who we are, the weight of spirit that reminds us we are still becoming. May we carry the seed of knowledge that teaches us that improvement and growth aren’t linear and individualistic but are cyclical and communal. May we carry the wisdom to seek rest and connection, to lean into mutual care. May we carry the certain belief that when we have patterns of thinking and behaving that harm ourselves and others, we can seek resources that will help us move towards healing. May we carry the knowledge that happiness and success take many shapes and one of those shapes is purpose. May we carry purpose lightly, trusting that it changes and evolves and surprises us. May we carry curiosity, wonder, and the ability to be surprised. This year, may we carry space for all of our flaws, all of our longings, and all of our love, remembering that the truly daring adventure of life is not to be better-better-best! but to show up wholly, authentically, lovingly as ourselves. May we carry these prayers and carry each other into the new year. Amen.
Mini-Reflection by Jane Blackall