{"id":977,"date":"2026-06-15T21:30:51","date_gmt":"2026-06-15T20:30:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=977"},"modified":"2026-06-15T21:31:44","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T20:31:44","slug":"we-live-and-learn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=977","title":{"rendered":"We Live and Learn"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Reflection #117 (11th January 2026 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018We live and learn\u2019 \u2013 that\u2019s how the saying goes \u2013 but do we? Do we always, inevitably, learn as we live? Unfortunately, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s entirely guaranteed\u2026 it seems to be perfectly possible for us poor humans to bumble our way through life in a fairly unreflective and oblivious manner, and miss a lot of the lessons that come our way. But by the very fact you\u2019re here this morning, I guess that you aspire to lifelong learning \u2013 not primarily the sort that you might pick up by going to evening classes or the U3A \u2013 but the learning that comes by being open, attentive, and curious in the face of whatever new, potentially challenging, experiences life brings our way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

I came across a blog post by Adeola Odubajo exploring the phrase \u2018we live and learn\u2019. She says: \u2018Life doesn\u2019t come with a syllabus. There are no structured semesters, no final exams, and no degree at the end. Yet, life is the most complex, enriching, and brutally honest school we\u2019ll ever attend. Every experience \u2014 whether triumphant or tragic \u2014 becomes a life lesson. The phrase \u201cWe live and learn\u201d captures this beautifully. It\u2019s simple, almost clich\u00e9, but behind those few words lies a profound philosophy that defines the essence of human growth. It suggests that mistakes, missteps, and even mundane moments all carry lessons. It\u2019s a reminder that perfection is not the goal \u2014 progress is. Living is not just existing. It\u2019s engaging with the world, making choices, taking risks, falling down, and getting back up. And in doing all this, we learn \u2014 not just about the world, but about ourselves. Every success teaches us what works. Every failure teaches us what doesn\u2019t. Both are essential. To live and to learn means embracing failure not as a setback, but as a crucial step forward. It\u2019s understanding that you may fall, but you\u2019re not meant to stay down.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Words from Adeola Odubajo, Now, she said \u2018life doesn\u2019t come with a syllabus\u2019, but several of my friends often speak of the spiritual notion that each of us humans has our own particular \u2018curriculum\u2019 to tackle during our time here on earth \u2013 a phrase I associate with our own Sarah and Michaela especially \u2013 and that idea can be a helpful way of framing the various ups and downs we face in the course of our lives. Whenever we encounter a bump, or get knocked back, whenever we find ourselves engaged with something or someone we find challenging, we can ask \u2018what is the lesson for me here?\u2019 As Padraig O\u2019Tuama said, we may learn most from situations we did not choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But we can\u2019t take it for granted that we will learn from our life experiences. Learning doesn\u2019t happen automatically; we need to work at it, and we mustn\u2019t be complacent. When we say, \u2018we live and learn\u2019, it\u2019s often provoked by being confronted with a new way of seeing things, it\u2019s an acknowledgement of something we didn\u2019t know before.   Or it can be an acknowledgement that we\u2019ve taken a wrong turning (and we won\u2019t do it again). Sometimes it\u2019s just a general reflection on our perspective changing as we get older.  John Shea, a Jesuit theologian, made this wise observation: \u2018It is harder to learn from life than you think. Life is a series of fragmented activities. We need to pay attention in order to learn from life. For there is more going on than you know.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know many of us in the congregation do make an active effort to engage with the world in such a way that we are exposed to new ideas, new ways of seeing things, perspectives that will open up new understanding of ourselves and what is possible for us in our time here on earth (as individuals, as a community, as a species). For example, we make a point of engaging in meaningful conversation with people in different age brackets (that\u2019s one of the very good things about being part of a church community), or we read testimonies from people with very different life experiences to our own (and in fact we\u2019re going to hear more about that in next week\u2019s service). Perhaps we also have spiritual practices \u2013 prayer, meditation \u2013 to hone our attention and awareness. All this helps prevent us from getting too fixed and stuck in our ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite our best efforts, though, in life we sometimes find ourselves butting our head up against the same issues \u2013 making the same mistakes \u2013 again and again. We seem to be stuck in a loop, or a rut, hopelessly drawn back into the same old familiar patterns. Falling down the same hole. I wonder, how many of you are familiar with the poem by Portia Nelson, \u2018Autobiography in Five Short Chapters\u2019?   A dear friend introduced me to this at summer school over twenty-five years ago and I had a very strong reaction to it at first hearing \u2013 it was too close to the bone \u2013 I felt \u2018called out\u2019 by it \u2013 all these years later I have warmed to it somewhat\u2026 which feels like part of my own process of living and learning. I recognise its truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll share it with you now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Autobiography in Five Short Chapters\u2019<\/strong> by Portia Nelson<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk down the street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk\nI fall in.\nI am lost \u2026 I am helpless.\nIt isn\u2019t my fault.\nIt takes me forever to find a way out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

II<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.\nI pretend I don\u2019t see it.\nI fall in again.\nI can\u2019t believe I am in the same place\nbut, it isn\u2019t my fault.\nIt still takes a long time to get out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

III<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.\nI see it is there.\nI still fall in \u2026 it\u2019s a habit.\nmy eyes are open\nI know where I am.\nIt is my fault.\nI get out immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IV<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk down the same street.\nThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.\nI walk around it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

V<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I walk down another street.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Autobiography in Five Short Chapters\u2019 by Portia Nelson \u2013 written back in 1977. Hopefully hearing that wasn\u2019t as ouchy for you as it was for me, all those years ago, but also hopefully it will have had some resonance. I reckon we all have these key issues and patterns of behaviour we wrestle with over the course of a lifetime. Progress can be slow. Maybe we start out with no awareness of the problem. Then, perhaps through our own self-reflection, perhaps with the help of trusted others who can shed light on our situation and offer alternative perspectives, we can begin to see more clearly. It might take longer still to turn that awareness into a change in our behaviour or our circumstances. Eventually \u2013 there\u2019s hope \u2013 learning can bring transformation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But we only \u2018live and learn\u2019 if we take the raw material of our life experience and look at it honestly and \u2013 lovingly, compassionately \u2013 engage with the reality of it. The good, the bad, the mundane, the marvellous. Owning it. The whole mess of it. It\u2019s not fun to acknowledge our mistakes. Sometimes it\u2019s tempting to try and brush them off, pretend they didn\u2019t happen, cook up some justification, blame others, avoid looking at our own stuff, what\u2019s our responsibility, where we\u2019ve fallen short. Or we might be tempted in the other direction, to self-recrimination, seeing ourselves as an irredeemable wrong\u2019un, taking it all on ourselves, and assuming it\u2019s inevitable that we\u2019ll keep falling down the same hole forever, that there\u2019s no hope of change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not just about learning from our mistakes though, and dwelling on the tough stuff. For some of us it\u2019s just as hard to own our triumphs, our achievements, our growth. But it\u2019s equally important to notice and learn from the things that went well. In our prayers each week we offer up \u2018our beauty and our brokenness\u2019; we need to hold both tenderly. These are the lessons hinted at by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer: \u2018Eventually we learn to laugh when we drop the glass and it shatters all over the floor\u2019\/\u2018What freedom then. We can listen to the sound of our own voice without cringing. Can dance in front of anyone.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hazrat Inayat Khan once said: \u2018The real learning is unlearning all that one has learned.\u2019 And it\u2019s true that sometimes \u2013 particularly in our early years \u2013 we can learn lessons which we\u2019ll spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn. We might have drawn the  wrong conclusions or misinterpreted our early life experiences; we might have been misinformed or led astray by others; we might be in denial about the impact of all this. Sometimes in the aftermath of neglect or trauma we learn lessons which might serve to protect us in the short term but which inhibit our full human flourishing in the long term. Unlearning such lessons \u2013 liberating ourselves from this burden \u2013 requires a great deal of courage, and appropriate support, and even so it can still be the work of a lifetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what have we learned (about living and learning (and unlearning))? Perhaps to realise and remember there will always be more to learn. The task is never done. And in order to keep on learning it kind-of helps to be dissatisfied! To keep wondering, questioning, even returning to the same questions, and going round again, deeper each time, as Parker J Palmer said. We need to remain open, attentive, curious \u2013 and honest \u2013 our whole life long, reflecting on both our best and our worst moments. And to face our life\u2019s \u2018curriculum\u2019 with all the courage and self-compassion we can muster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I want to close with a very short prayer-poem from Deb Cannon. It\u2019s written in the first person but perhaps you can take the message and inwardly make it your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have made mistakes\nand some I have even learned from.\nI am wiser today than I was yesterday\nand hopefully tomorrow\nI will be even better informed.\nMay I speak from my learning\nand not from my habit.\nIf I speak from my habit,\nmay I interrupt my words to start again.\nAnd if I don’t know, may I be silent and listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May it be so, for the greater good of all. Amen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n