{"id":171,"date":"2015-07-31T13:45:47","date_gmt":"2015-07-31T12:45:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rebelrebel.org.uk\/?p=171"},"modified":"2024-11-12T15:12:09","modified_gmt":"2024-11-12T15:12:09","slug":"make-yourself-at-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=171","title":{"rendered":"Make Yourself At Home"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"STOCKIMAGE_rainbowhands_28432752_l\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Sermon #13 (25th January 2015 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians) <\/strong><\/p>\n

You know that saying \u2018I\u2019m sorry I sent you such a long letter, I didn\u2019t have time to write a short one\u2019? That\u2019s what happened with this service. As your last-minute stand-in in the pulpit today I am going to offer a few thoughts on what it means to be hospitable here in our spiritual home. (This was meant to be a 5-minute reflection but it turned out to be a 10-minute sermon instead!) Often our services consider issues that might help us lead better lives as individuals. I think it\u2019s important, once in a while, to consider what might help us to lead a better life as a church community. How should we live \u2013 together? I hope that there will still be something in this service for you today regardless of whether or not you are already a committed member of this church, as hospitality is an important consideration in any groups we are a part of, and the lessons we have to take note of as a congregation are more widely applicable.  The issues we are considering about hospitality here in our church community also have parallels at a smaller scale – in our homes, families, social groups – and perhaps also at a larger scale – in our nation and in the world beyond.<\/p>\n

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Now \u2013 Kensington Unitarians \u2013 I\u2019m not setting out to flatter you all but I should acknowledge that in one sense I\u2019m probably not telling you anything you don\u2019t already know \u2013 over the last few years we\u2019ve often heard visitors speak highly of the warm welcome they have received here. And perhaps the highest tribute to our hospitality is the fact that some of those visitors have come back! And kept coming back! And some of those people have become committed members and friends who will stand in the church foyer on a Sunday welcoming the next newcomer. So \u2013 thumbs up for the good work we\u2019re already doing\u2026 and at the same time it\u2019s good to take a moment to reflect on what we do, why we do it, and whether we might be able to do better. And if anyone is here for the first time today \u2013 I want to say: you have got something to teach the rest of us \u2013 as you\u2019re seeing the place and the people with fresh eyes. Do stay for a chat at tea time after the service and maybe let us know how we\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n

So, quite often you\u2019ll hear people talk of hospitality as a significant spiritual practice. It\u2019s certainly a central obligation in most of the major world religions.  As Tom Owen-Towle mentioned in the reading we heard earlier, \u2018Mature church life begins with hospitality, the most ancient religious rite, hallowed in every tradition \u2013 at least in writ, if less successfully in practice.\u2019<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to pull out three strands \u2013 three virtues \u2013 that we might focus on to help us get a better grip on what hospitality requires of us. And those virtues are: Awareness, Sensitivity, and Generosity. As we examine each of these threads in turn I am going to try to spell out what they might require of us \u2013 what they look like in practice \u2013 here in this church.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s start with my first strand: AWARENESS. Perhaps the most basic aspect of hospitality is simply noticing the visitor. On a busy Sunday morning in church, when some of us are rushing about to get everything ready or the service, and others are greeting old friends and catching up on news, it is quite possible that a visitor could come in and not be noticed, and be left to their own devices, to stand awkwardly in the foyer of an unfamiliar building, filled with a community of people who all seem to know each other already, and who have their own funny ways. [I don\u2019t think this happens very often but I suspect it does happen from time to time]<\/p>\n

And this might be stating the obvious but you can only notice who\u2019s new if you already know who\u2019s old (for want of a better word). The more regularly you attend, the more likely you are to know who\u2019s who, and the more likely you are to spot someone you haven\u2019t seen before, and be in a position to offer a special welcome to those who are here for the first time. Think of that character, from our first reading, John, who came to church every single Sunday. Few of us these days are in a position to be here week in, week out, rain or shine. The demands of work and family, and the irregularity of modern life conspire against us.  However, the more regularly you can get here, the more often you stay on after the service  to chat, the more deep and rich your network of relationships here becomes, and the more you realise, like John, that \u2018someone might miss you\u2019 if you didn\u2019t come. [I hope you do all realise that \u2013 it\u2019s not like we\u2019re checking up on you in a creepy way \u2013 but we do miss you if you\u2019re not here \u2013 first off, we wonder where you are, if you\u2019re alright \u2013 and yes, we also miss your contribution, your practical help to keep the show on the road. What I\u2019m trying to say is: Your presence matters. You<\/em> matter.]<\/p>\n

Back to this question of awareness: let\u2019s think about the particular needs of the newcomer. There are basic, practical things you might need to know when you first arrive: Where are the toilets? Where should I hang my coat? Where can I get a drink of water? There are various quirks of the way we do things here that might need explaining, and if the newcomer has never been to a church before (not unusual these days) then they might be anxious about making a faux pax of some sort, standing up when they should be sat down in the service, and so on. There are some bits of infrastructure, some systems and routines, with which we can make life easier for a visitor \u2013 we can put up notices to say where the loos and the  kitchen and the coat-rack are \u2013 the worship leader can make announcements inviting people to stand up and sit down, as they are able to, in the service \u2013 we can provide a printed order of service so they know what\u2019s coming up and don\u2019t feel unnecessarily anxious about what will be sprung on them next). Even more basic than that – we can make sure the place is clean, warm, and comfortable! We can and we should do these things\u2026. but none of this replaces the human touch. In the end, hospitality is about human connection, people responding to each other.<\/p>\n

This brings me on to my second strand: SENSITIVITY. Do you remember the first time you crossed the threshold of this church? Was it a casual thing for you, or a big deal, when you first came to Essex Church? Can you recall what it is that drew you to this place, as a visitor, a newcomer? Some come because they seek liberal religious teaching or intellectual stimulation. Some seek a spiritual workshop where they can wrestle with life\u2019s ultimate questions. Some come to church because they are lonely and yearning for connection, community. People have vastly different prior experience of religious and spiritual communities (and they are likely to arrive here with a wide range of different expectations as a result). Visitors arrive at our front door for all sorts of reasons, with all manner of different needs\u2026 and they \u2013 WE \u2013 have differing temperaments (some introvert, some extrovert). SO \u2013 a key part of hospitality is displaying sensitivity to the particular person, the honoured guest, the unique individual with their own particular quirks and charms, in front of us.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s one classic, fairly fundamental, dilemma we face when welcoming a newcomer. On the one hand, there is a deep human need that most people share, and that is the need to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. Ultimately, the need to be known. How awful would it feel to turn up here one Sunday, come, and go, and leave no trace; have nobody take an interest in you, nobody even ask your name? On that basis, we tend to think that the right way to welcome a visitor is to bound up to them, introduce ourselves, ask their name and find out about them. Maybe introduce the visitor to one or two others you think they might get on with. Even, if you want a gold star from Sarah, let the visitor know about groups and activities going on here that they might enjoy, and invite them to leave their email address… That is all good, well-intentioned stuff, it\u2019s what we encourage our official \u2018greeters\u2019 to do. But for some visitors that is ALL TOO MUCH (maybe so much so that they won\u2019t come back!) It\u2019s like an over-attentive host at a party, fussing, who won\u2019t leave you alone for a second.  When I first came here, sixteen years ago, I was extremely shy, I hardly talked to anyone for months and months, and I was glad of being able to lurk while I sussed the place out. Us naturally introverted types might prefer to be mostly left to our own devices. It\u2019s a difficult balance to strike: being friendly and interested but not over-friendly and intrusive. People might want connection\u2026 but they also need space. And that is why SENSITIVITY is a key element of hospitality.<\/p>\n

And onto my final strand: GENEROSITY. This is not just about being materially generous in the way that good host at home might be \u2013 though I do want you all to know that me and Juliet have made cakes and bread pudding for you to enjoy after the service \u2013 we felt it was in keeping with the \u2018hospitality\u2019 theme! Really I\u2019m thinking that hospitality is largely about generosity of spirit. Generosity with your presence, time and attention: making a place at the table for strangers who might become friends.
\nGenerosity with your insight and wisdom: sharing whatever fragments of wisdom you may have and being open to wisdom of others.  Also the generosity of inclusion \u2013 think of the words of the hymn we sang earlier \u2013 \u2018break not the circle, make it wider still, till it includes, embraces all the living\u2019 \u2013 for me, a hospitable community is always reflecting on ways to be more inclusive, to work on removing the invisible barriers that might stop people from joining us.  What, from our church\u2019s position of relative privilege, are we not aware of? What are we not seeing? [the Unitarian Universalist Association in the states has done some really good work on all sorts of inclusion issues \u2013 work on accessibility for those with physical disabilities and mental health issues \u2013 work on the \u2018LGBT welcoming congregations\u2019 project which helps churches be more intentional in their welcome to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people \u2013 educating Unitarians about specific barriers to inclusion that people in each of these groups face (and so on)].
\nI think this is an area as a congregation where perhaps we\u2019ve got more work to do. (perhaps there will always be more work to do \u2013 the circle can always be made wider).<\/p>\n

Awareness \u2013 Sensitivity \u2013 Generosity \u2013 three virtues of a hospitable congregation.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to end more-or-less where I started by saying this:  We\u2019re doing alright. We are already a hospitable congregation.  But it\u2019s good for us \u2013 each one of us \u2013 everyone who has a sense that this is \u2018their\u2019 church \u2013 to reflect on what we can do personally to help make it ever an ever more welcoming place. In the words of our last reading, \u2018Prayer for this Church\u2019, by Nancy Shaffer \u2018May we always have enough room for those many who want to come in\u2026  May we notice each one who is new and invite them to stay.\u2019 May it be so. Amen.<\/p>\n

Sermon by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n

An audio recording of this sermon is available: <\/strong><\/p>\n

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