{"id":1051,"date":"2026-10-05T10:45:36","date_gmt":"2026-10-05T09:45:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=1051"},"modified":"2026-10-05T10:56:43","modified_gmt":"2026-10-05T09:56:43","slug":"hospitality-as-a-spiritual-practice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=1051","title":{"rendered":"Hospitality as a Spiritual Practice"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Reflection #129 (20th September 2026 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today\u2019s service was originally inspired by this book \u2013 \u2018Unreasonable Hospitality\u2019 by Will Guidara \u2013 which was recommended by my colleague, Rev. Stephanie Bisby. At first glance, it might seem a surprising choice of text to use as a jumping-off point for a service, as it tells the story of how a struggling New York brasserie, Eleven Madison Park, came to be awarded the title of \u2018the best restaurant in the world\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

This was a significant transformation; it took them a decade to turn things around. Apparently the food was already excellent before they started out on this journey; so what changed? They focused on providing hospitality that was so memorable, in some instances so preposterously over-the-top, that they came to describe it as \u2018unreasonable hospitality\u2019. They took exquisite care of the people who came through their doors. Don\u2019t be mistaken \u2013 that doesn\u2019t mean endlessly, intrusively, fussing over their guests \u2013 but it means being present, paying close attention to them, anticipating their particular needs, and every now and then going the extra mile, showing extraordinary generosity, in order to create a mind-blowing experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our readings this morning we\u2019ve heard about the centrality of hospitality in traditional cultures \u2013 how it was historically regarded as a spiritual obligation of sorts \u2013 to welcome strangers and offer them the basic needs of life. How to do this graciously \u2013 not grudgingly \u2013 but with generosity of spirit. And this is a very practical way of acknowledging the \u2018inherent worth and dignity\u2019 of every person that we so often speak about as the foundational principle of our Unitarian faith. We\u2019ve already sung together today: \u2018for everyone born, a place at the table\u2019, and \u2018break not the circle of enabling love\u2026 make it wider still, till it includes, embraces all the living\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we talk about \u2018hospitality as a spiritual practice\u2019 it\u2019s something we can aspire to in various dimensions of our lives. First, we might think about it on a personal level: welcoming people into our homes, offering them food and drink, maybe even a place to stay over if we\u2019re lucky enough to have that much space to call our own. On one level it\u2019s about sharing our good fortune \u2013 our resources \u2013 with others. And if everybody participates in this culture of hospitality, it\u2019s ultimately a culture of equals \u2013 what goes around comes around \u2013 we all switch between giving and receiving. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Personal hospitality is not just about the material aspects of care, though \u2013 not just about offering the tasty meal or the well-made bed \u2013 important as they may be. It\u2019s about creating the space, the conditions, for a meaningful relationship to emerge. Like we heard in the poem by Naomi Shihab Nye: \u2018feed him for three days \/ before asking who he is, \/ where he\u2019s come from, \/ where he\u2019s headed. \/ That way, he\u2019ll have strength \/ enough to answer. \/ Or, by then you\u2019ll be \/ such good friends \/ you don\u2019t care.\u2019 It\u2019s about giving time and attention \u2013 really listening \u2013 being curious about the other and sharing of yourself. As we heard in the piece that Sonya read: \u2018Hospitality is not only about opening your door; it is about opening your heart and your soul.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A crucial aspect of hospitality is paying attention to how we make others feel. And that means that the recipe for brilliant hospitality can\u2019t be \u2018one-size-fits-all\u2019. Every individual has their own unique needs, preferences, aversions. So to be truly hospitable we must take that into account \u2013 be present and attentive to the honoured guest who is in front of us \u2013 and then tailor our welcome accordingly. As an aside: I am a bit of a nightmare as a guest! So, I don\u2019t often go and visit anyone. I\u2019ve got a quirky bundle of dietary restrictions and I feel bad about the likelihood that I wouldn\u2019t want to eat whatever someone might want to cook for me. So rather than burden the host with my fussiness I opt out of being a guest. Or people who know me well will say \u2018it\u2019s alright, you can bring your own sandwich\u2019! This business of being a good host and a good guest can be a tricky dance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While reading up on this I came across the notion of \u2018scruffy hospitality\u2019, which was very pleasing to me, as someone who lives in a rather scruffy home! The definition I read was that \u2018scruffy hospitality\u2026 prioritizes people, warmth, and authentic connection over a spotless home or an elaborate meal\u2019. The most welcoming sort of hospitality is not necessarily the poshest, or most lavish, offering; instead it makes the guest feel at ease (I can assure you: anyone who comes to my house doesn\u2019t have to worry about what special fork they\u2019re supposed to be using!). In fact, just this week I said to a friend, \u2018do you want to come round and we\u2019ll get a takeaway from Nando\u2019s\u2019, and I think that went down far better than if I\u2019d spent all afternoon stressing about cooking something elaborate to suit our respective dietary needs. It meant we could focus on each other\u2019s company and having a great conversation. And in a way, letting people in to see your life as it really is, no matter how scruffy, is giving them a kind of VIP access! It shows a certain level of trust and vulnerability \u2013 to reveal your true self \u2013 and that is the basis for building a genuine connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another aspect of hospitality we could ponder is as a societal level. If we recognise hospitality as a spiritual obligation \u2013 if we consider it a duty to welcome strangers, and meet their basic needs for life, a duty which was so central to our forebears \u2013 then this speaks very plainly to how we should collectively be treating refugees, as we heard in the reading from Christine Pohl, that Patricia read for us earlier on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what I really want us to think about today \u2013 and not just today \u2013 I\u2019m hoping this is something we\u2019ll give some sustained attention in the months to come \u2013 is what hospitality looks like (maybe even what unreasonable hospitality looks like!) in this congregation. How do we collectively engage in hospitality as a spiritual practice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I was reading \u2018Unreasonable Hospitality\u2019 I kept wondering what we could learn from their example \u2013 transforming this middling restaurant \u2013 to the point where it won the title of \u2018best restaurant in the world\u2019. Now, I\u2019m not saying I want us to win \u2018best church in the world\u2019 (nor that I think such an award ought to exist)! But I think we\u2019re in a similar position \u2013 we\u2019re already doing something worthwhile \u2013 we can be proud of what we have to offer here, I think, and of how we\u2019ve already extended our hospitality to welcome people all over the world by going fully hybrid. Still, I think by collectively focusing on the details of the hospitality we offer, and crucially by getting everyone \u2013 I mean everyone \u2013 to take ownership of that task, we could take it to another level, really go from strength to strength as a community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On any given Sunday morning, here at Essex Church, we have one designated greeter sitting just inside the front door, saying hello and giving out name labels as people arrive. And on Zoom we have a named co-host doing something similar. But hospitality can never be the work of just one person! It needs to be infused throughout the culture of this congregation. And to some degree, I think it already is, I think we\u2019re a pretty welcoming bunch. I know a few of you are particularly skilled at looking out for newcomers, finding out about what brought them here, who they are, and what matters to them, making genuine connections. We also need to be careful not to leap on first-timers and overwhelm them! Some of us need more space than others (I might not have come back if anyone leapt on me)! But we do need to show curiosity towards visitors and convey the message: \u2018we\u2019re really glad you\u2019re here; please stick around so we can get to know each other\u2019. In the main, I think, it\u2019s the connections we form that draw people to come back. It\u2019s not just the cake! Though perhaps that\u2019s what drives me to make all these fancy cakes to bring every week \u2013 it\u2019s how I try to offer \u2018unreasonable hospitality\u2019 \u2013 my contribution to making people feel cared-for and even giving out a little bit of joy! In a church context, I reckon hospitality needs to go beyond everyday friendliness, to include an extra helping of generosity, sensitivity, and compassion. The goal, for all of us, should be to help make everyone feel more seen, included and valued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, to be hospitable, we have to be present. That\u2019s both in the very basic sense of showing up on a regular basis, whether that\u2019s in-person or online, and also in the sense of actively engaging with whoever we may meet here at church. Our doors are open every Sunday morning \u2013 both the physical doors to this building and the virtual doors of our Zoom room \u2013 and anyone is welcome to join us \u2013 to be part of co-creating this community, and holding the door open to welcome the next person. So in the weeks and months to come let\u2019s all pay some attention to cultivating this culture of hospitality \u2013 whether you\u2019ve been here a week, or a year, or ten years \u2013 there is something each and every one of us can contribute to this task. If you see this as your spiritual home then you are in a position to host and welcome others in. We\u2019re going to have a workshop on hospitality on Sunday 1st November to think about the what this will look like in practical terms \u2013 so save the date and sign up with me for that \u2013 that is in-person but I\u2019m trying to find a date for an online one too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m going to close with an echo of those words from Christine Pohl which I shared at the top of the service. Perhaps we can take them to heart as a vision of what we are trying to co-create here in our hybrid church: \u2018Communities in which hospitality is a vibrant practice tap into deep human longings to belong, find a place to share one\u2019s gifts, and be valued. The practice of hospitality reflects a willingness on the part of a community of people to be open to others and to their insights, needs, and contributions. Hospitable communities recognize that they are incomplete without other folks but also that they have a \u201ctreasure\u201d to share with them.\u2019 (pause)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May we all play our part in making this an ever more hospitable community. Amen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n