{"id":1006,"date":"2026-06-15T22:12:47","date_gmt":"2026-06-15T21:12:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=1006"},"modified":"2026-06-15T22:12:47","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T21:12:47","slug":"our-best-selves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/revjane.co.uk\/?p=1006","title":{"rendered":"Our Best Selves"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Reflection #124 (30th May 2026 at Essex Church \/ Kensington Unitarians)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every week we say it \u2013 we pray it \u2013 \u2018help us to live well each day, and be our best selves\u2019. I wonder what that phrase means to you? How it lands? For me, it\u2019s an important part of our purpose as a church \u2013 to aspire to better things for ourselves and for the world \u2013 to keep reminding each other, and encouraging each other, to learn and to grow, to engage in self-reflection, self-discipline perhaps, in service of our mutual flourishing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

What do we mean by \u2018best\u2019 though? There\u2019s a phrase that gets bandied about on social media: \u2018I\u2019m living my best life\u2019. In that context, it seems to me, the phrase can take on a rather different meaning, depending on the spirit in which it is said. There are more and less wholesome versions! I can imagine someone posting a clip of themselves drinking champagne on a yacht with that caption \u2018living my best life\u2019. Of course, this is a bit of a caricature, but for some people it\u2019s about personal happiness, even hedonism, creating an image of \u2018the good life\u2019 that can be captured in a selfie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Aside \u2013 I am pro-taking selfies and chronicling life \u2013 the selfie is not the problem here!) There\u2019s another way that phrase is used though. Someone might say \u2018I\u2019m living my best life\u2019 when they take a moment to acknowledge that they\u2019re making life choices that are authentic, intentional, and meaningful for them. Perhaps even \u2013 or especially \u2013 to affirm and celebrate life choices that might seem a bit quirky or eccentric to others. It can be something to say as we take stock of our life and the person we have become: \u2018I\u2019m doing alright \u2013 I\u2019ve consistently tried to learn and grow \u2013 to make good choices \u2013 and despite the setbacks and the ups and downs \u2013 right now I\u2019m living my best life.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we pray, \u2018help us to live well each day, and be our best selves\u2019, I think \u2013 I hope! \u2013 we\u2019re praying about something more than our own personal happiness and well-being. It\u2019s not really about praying for privilege \u2013 for a life of leisure \u2013 to be rich, fit, or popular. For me, it\u2019s about fulfilment of our human potential \u2013 making the most of our unique gifts, whatever they may be, and consciously developing them to the full, throughout the whole of our life. Perhaps it includes being creative, expressing ourselves, making our mark on the world. But it\u2019s also about \u2018best\u2019 in the sense of moral goodness. If we are to be our \u2018best self\u2019 that means a life spent pursuing and prioritising \u2018The Good\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s an inner dimension to this \u2013 cultivating virtue and developing our character \u2013 and an outer dimension which is about acting in ways that serve the common good. If we\u2019re aiming to be our \u2018best self\u2019 then at the very least we\u2019d hope to have a net positive impact on the world \u2013 not just the people who are close to us \u2013 but we\u2019d hope to create positive ripples in the world that are far-reaching. We\u2019d be looking for opportunities to help others, especially those who are worse off than us, and remaining conscious of the impact of our actions (and inaction), in order to minimise harm. Perhaps we should also pray for self-awareness \u2013 to see ourselves clearly (yet compassionately) \u2013 and regularly take a loving look in the mirror like those medieval theologians advised \u2013 remembering that we are works-in-progress, we can still change and develop, our whole life long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s always a balance to be struck between aspiration and acceptance. Of course, it\u2019s good to strive for self-improvement, right? \u2026but there\u2019s a risk we might end up judging ourselves too harshly as a result. I put a quote from Natalie Snodgrass Tan on the front of today\u2019s order of service which speaks to this. She says: \u2018Striving for improvement is important. Putting in good effort is important. Not allowing yourself to give up as soon as the going gets tough is important. It is, however, all too possible to go way too far in the opposite direction and work yourself into the ground. Doing your best\u2026 is a journey towards realising that your value does not depend on your achievements.\u2019 Wise words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I also want to share a quote from Don Miguel Ruiz, well-known author of \u2018The Four Agreements\u2019, a very popular 90s spirituality\/self-help book inspired by Toltec beliefs. One of the \u2018Four Agreements\u2019 he proposed \u2013 agreements to make with yourself, with others, with God, which can help shape a good life \u2013 was \u2018Always Do Your Best\u2019. And Don Miguel Ruiz helpfully commented on this: \u2018Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment and regret.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our circumstances \u2013 our context, the particular time and place we were thrown into, and the societal rules that come with it \u2013 our inheritance of genetics and customs \u2013 and the wider political and economic currents we are being tossed about by \u2013 all these come together to shape our opportunities in life. \u2018Our best\u2019 might well be limited by factors that have got little to do with our inherent potential or our active efforts. Most of us will be constrained to some degree by our resources and our responsibilities. So a realistic sense of what \u2018our best self\u2019 could look like might have to take into account not just our standard human flaws and foibles but also the bigger global picture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, when we come together each week as a church, we can gently but insistently call each other back to our highest aspirations, and nudge each other back on track \u2013 perhaps challenge each other when necessary \u2013 within the context of a big-hearted, generous, and compassionate community \u2013 a place where we can know ourselves to be \u2018good enough\u2019.  As Takiyah Nur Amin said in the first reading, church is where we build \u2018relationships of accountability and support\u2019, which \u2018shape us in meaningful and powerful ways that call us to grow, to do better, and to be our best selves\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So let\u2019s keep praying that prayer. And I\u2019ll close with an echo of those familiar words: As we look forward now to the coming week, help us to live well each day and be our best selves; using our unique gifts in the service of love, justice and peace. Amen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflection by Jane Blackall<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n